A Mother's Instinct

A week ago, my son was very ill. He was having a high fever. I panicked because I thought it was a dengue fever   (Last year my son diagnosed with dengue fever 1), but my doctor said it was just tonsillitis. However, after three days my son started to have a diarrhea, so I brought him to a chiropractor (manghihilot). It is a common practice here in our  province that once a child is sick we always go to a "manghihilot" because the child is either have gripes, flatulence, flu, sprains or bone dislocation. It's up to you how much you will pay for a "manghihilot," for me 20 to 50 pesos is enough. But then my child's fever did not go down and his diarrhea continued. I started giving him oral re hydration salt ( ORS ) to avoid dehydration. My elders told me to let my child eat a banana (Tundan variety) to stop his diarrhea. 

my little child

However, my son’s diarrhea gets worse, he was already weak, and he will not accept food or water anymore. So I decided to bring him to the hospital, but along the way I change my mind, instead of the hospital we landed into the house of an herb doctor (albularyo), hoping that he could answer the questions that was bothering my mind, why is it that my child always get sick? Is someone wrathful who make evil things to us? Did we disturb those spirits living in the big old tree? We live in a sixty year old house and in front of it is a big old tree. The elders always remind us not to go near that big tree.

So the herb doctor check my child he gently blew the fontanel of my child and he get the pulse and after awhile he said that my child was having an indigestion and none of my inquiries are true. He then applies liniment (coconut oil) into the body of my child. He said that I have to get three kinds of leaves, star apple leaves, guava leaves and custard apple leaves (atis leaves). I have to get the leaves before sunset or before it gets dark and it was almost five o'clock in the afternoon at that time.

So in the midst of a very busy street and traffic, I manage to run from street to street hoping and praying that I will find those leaves, luckily I found the two leaves except for the custard apple leaves. Now my problem  is, where can I find those leaves and it is almost five thirty in the afternoon. Someone told me that many of that trees where slash by typhoon sendong two years ago. I decided to go home but on the way a lady approach me and told me that she has a custard apple tree in their house, and when I saw it, I was so happy I almost hug it! I picked seven leaves and boiled all the leaves in three cups of water.

However, my child would not drink it so I use syringe and put it in his mouth. But after awhile my child started to vomit and I already saw a sign of dehydration. Immediately I brought my child to the nearest hospital.

We stayed in the hospital for four days. It turns out that my child was having an intestinal amoebiasis with moderate dehydration.

In the hospital, while I am gazing at my child sleeping in his bed. I look back and wonder what led me to think and decide, to bring my child to an herb doctor instead of bringing him to the hospital? As a mother, my instinct told me that my child needs a real doctor but I refuse to listen.

Though, I still believed in the power of herbs and the ability of an herb doctor, but sometimes you cannot always rely on them. Until now, I still have my fears and maybe guilt for not listening to my instinct.I'm just thankful that my child is in good health now.

OFW: How to Avoid Miscommunication in a Relationship

I noticed that miscommunication is often the root of the many problems of Overseas Filipino Workers (OFW) and their families. We may not be aware of it but miscommunication if not promptly dealt with can lead to the destruction of our homes and our families.

Although the means of communication is no longer a problem of OFW's, thanks to technology, we have many options to choose such as skype, viber, ym, emails, twitter and facebook. Magic jack seems like a gift whenever there is a desire to talk longer with our love ones in the US, it's free. But first we must learn the ways of communication, because communication is very crucial to the survival of the family and is vital to the survival of a relationship. However, mastering the art of communication is not easy especially for OFW's   and their families; were both are required to put a lot of effort to re- learn the ways of communication.

There are many ways to communicate but I want to focus on the most essential and always ignored part of communication.Let us explore it.  

1. Learn to share your feelings- Most of the time when we communicate, we are willing to discuss only our viewpoint, our principles our opinions; we are afraid or shy to express our feelings. Most of us treats our relationship like it's a business, we always discuss money and where it had gone and why it had gone so fast, without knowing it our conversations always ends with frustration and resentment.                    

My husband and I communicate no more than three times in four weeks, he is a seaman, and our means of communication is merely through mobile, that is why every time we communicate we always ensure that we clearly understand each other. We discuss not only our problems but as well as our feelings. When I feel that he is depressed, then I have to refrain from saying or discussing things that could make him more depressed.

Be sensitive to each others feelings but don't be afraid to express it, don't make your partner guess what you want, say it directly; don't hope she or he will figure it out. If you are happy, depressed, angry, confused or hurt share it! Don't hesitate to say "I love you" to your husband or wife or even to your children. You might not know, maybe that's the only way to lose the coldness and strangeness you feel from each other and it always feels good every time you end your conversation with saying "I love you". As much as you want to know the fact you must also give importance to the feelings.

There are times that we want to confide our deepest thoughts and inmost feelings-heart to heart (no lies, no secrets!) but we are afraid to do it, because it might change the situation, she or he might lost interest in us or worst she or he might leave us. But no matter how hard it is we must take courage to do it, because by doing it we can build  trust to a relationship and knowing that we can always talk openly to each other with no boundaries; it will gives us security that whatever happens there is always a chance for a reconciliation.

         2. Learn to listen - as Peter Drucker said "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." 

Once, I knew a couple whose husband works abroad for 20 years. The first 15 years of their marriage is fine, they build a beautiful house in an exclusive subdivision, send their children to one of the best school, and have nice cars and unlimited vacations. But one day they just stop talking to each other. Their families wonder what had happen. And then the wife confided that her husband hired a detective to follow her wherever she goes because her husband heard a rumor about his wife. This hurt the wife so much. They start fighting, blaming and pointing fingers to each other. None of them are willing to listen. Until they were tired of fighting and they just stop talking. For five years they have no communication, until one day the wife receives news from his husband that he could no longer work due to illness. The wife receive the husband and after five years they talk again, this time they stop blaming each other instead they confide their true feelings and both of them listen to each other.

Though it is crucial to master the art of expressing feelings, it is also important to practice the science of active listening, for these are essential keys to effective communication, and communication is necessary to conflict resolution.

Bonus tips!

• Communicate regularly with your love ones.
• Make a schedule or routine when you call your love ones.This will make him/her secure.
• It's okay to fight but fight fairly and with webcam on so that you can see each others expression.
• Avoid talking about money too much, unless it is necessary.
• Always show respect and avoid criticism when you're talking with your husband/wife on the phone.
• Constantly communicate appreciation when you see one. This will bring blessings to both of you.
• Make it a point of duty to express love to each other frequently. 
• Lastly don't forget to say I love You.